Wednesday, September 12

Oh My Heart

His post kiss face, so proud of his efforts.
See me, heart melted, a I heap on the ground waiting for my turn, and I am done. Forced to resign to a day of play and hugs and cuddling and fun. Laundry siting in the laundry room waiting to be folded. The same pile that took me two days to get from washer to dryer to basket. Two days! A dishwasher waiting to be emptied, toys begging to be picked up and all I do is nothing. 

My motivation for domestic goddess status living in the dumps. My motivation to just be with the kids to go and do what the day brings winning on the days George has class, winning without a doubt. My pride coming from successfully transporting, dressing, cooking, feeding, bathing, all three without tears or tantrums or injuries. And I even exercised! 
And then the end of the day comes, kids to bed, and I could accomplish so much but I don't. I relax instead and read or indulge in reality T.V. 

By the time George returns home around 10:00pm and walks through the door he walked out of around 6:30am, the guilt starts set in and I am convinced that I totally suck. How could I have accomplished so little today when he just worked so hard? 

I took the sweetest nap, with Elsa, while he was stressing a midterm during the business of a work day, how could I? I feel like I am cheating on him with laziness and it feels horrible. I mean, he just had to move one of the kids books out of the way to sit by me on the couch. The horror.

But he is the absolute best ever and always brings me back. Reminds me that the kids are the priority and I must enjoy my time with them. Their happiness is all that matters. And then we dissect each others days, his filled with stories of challenges I can't comprehend, his brained zapped from working numbers and I share stories of the kids-what they said, advances they made. And then we give in and go to bed, asleep before we can say goodnight.

So here I sit. A new morning, a fresh cup of coffee, and more lofty goals in my mind. But Jude is headed my way and by the look in his eye I can tell he needs to be held. So we will probably head to the couch and snuggle. 

And then what? Who knows? But what I do know is that I will try to keep the guilt to a minimum, but then again, what kind of mother would I be without a little guilt. I try to rise above and not subject myself to it but unfortunately, I am not immune. 

Maybe I will fold that load of laundry and even put it away, just in time to start another. 

But for now, cheers, here's to you and what ever you work hard doing. Here's to a new day. 

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